“Go on, Joey. I dare you.” Joey's classmate, Dennis, was practically shouting in his ear. Behind him stood two other boys from his seventh grade class. They all were standing by the entrance of their school, looking at a lone boy sitting at a table on the playground, eating his lunch. This was William, the boy everyone made fun of for being so smart.
Joey was "the new kid" at school. His family had just moved to the neighborhood. Joey was a bit overweight, kind of awkward in his movements, and very self-conscious. He so much wanted to make friends in his new environment and was trying his best to please the other boys in his class. They were now using his desire to be accepted to make him go after William.
William was skinny, pale, and shy, but he got excellent grades. He was always by himself during recess and lunch period. While the other children played games together, he was usually off in a corner reading a book.
Joey’s assignment was to pretend to make friends with William, win his trust, and get him to supply the other boys with the answers to the math homework each week. As a newcomer, Joey had a chance of fooling William into doing what the boys wanted.
Joey didn’t feel good about it, but he wanted to belong to the group. If this is what it took to be accepted, he was ready to do it.
He made his way slowly over to where William was sitting. Stopping a few feet away, Joey said, “Do you mind if I sit down here?”
William looked up from his sandwich with a suspicious look. No one spoke to him unless they were up to something mean. His guard was immediately up, but this was a new boy, after all. Maybe he wasn't mean.
“Go ahead,” he muttered, and went back to eating.
“My name’s Joey,” Joey said, sitting down and holding out his hand.
William shook it. “My name is William.”
“This morning that was really cool the way you figured out that math equation in class. I could never do that.”
Out of the corner of his eye, Joey could see Dennis and the other two boys standing by the school entrance, giggling.
William looked happy. “Somehow math comes easy to me. And I like it.”
“Really? Do you think you could help me with this problem? I just can’t seem to get it…"
Over the next few weeks, William helped Joey with his homework every day. He was happy to help this new kid in school and finally to have a friend. Joey would then let Dennis and the two boys copy the answers off his homework paper. They all got As, and the teacher praised their improvement.
Joey’s uneasiness never went away. In fact, it grew, as he came actually to like William and feel guilty about using him so. He had to be careful about spending too much time with William, too, or the other boys would start teasing him, or worse, for being William's friend.
~ ~ ~
Have you ever been in a situation where you did something you knew you shouldn’t, but you did it anyway? There are times when we may do such things when we're alone and no one can see us doing it—for example, taking cookies from the cookie jar when no one is looking, or, more seriously, taking an electronic device someone left lying around. We can also end up doing the wrong thing when we are with other people due to something called “peer pressure”.
Peer pressure is what we see at work in the story above. At the urging of some classmates, new student Joey goes against his own better nature in using another student. He would never think to do such a thing on his own, but he does it in response to the social pressure he receives from those he wants to be friends with.
Adolescents are especially influenced by their peers, both for good and bad. This is due to several reasons. First, as teenagers, we are seeking more independence from our parents, as we have spoken about already. We may not listen to or follow their directions or advice as much as we did when we were younger. We want to explore and learn things for ourselves. This is the natural process of growing up, but it also makes us more open to other influences, especially from our peers, who are people the same age as we are.
As we get older, these peer relationships grow in importance to us in comparison to those with our parents. We might find ourselves listening to, respecting, and following the opinions of our friends and classmates more than those of our parents. This can get us into trouble if the character and values of these friends and classmates are not good.
Another reason we can be so strongly influenced by our peers is our own insecurity about who we are, what we want, and where we are going. As we have said, adolescence is a confusing time due to the rapid changes taking place in our bodies, minds, and emotions. It’s easy to start feeling you don’t know what’s right and what’s wrong anymore. You start hearing things from your friends that your parents never talked to you about, or things that may be different from something your parents said. Who do you believe? What should you do?
As teenagers, things can get quite intense because our whole social life can feel at stake. If you don’t go along with your friends, you may soon find yourself alone, even being teased or made fun of. If you go along with your friends, you may be betraying the values your parents taught you and which feel part of who you are. Teens often feel torn between the demands of their parents and the society around them.
Part of growing up is learning to understand the conflicting influences and come down on the right side. Those who have a good relationship with their parents and are more confident of themselves are less likely to be influenced in unhealthy ways by their peers than those who don’t have good relationships with their parents and who are less sure of themselves. In fact, these two usually go together: good relationships with parents— meaning we feel their love and trust their judgment—and a greater feeling of confidence and self-worth. This helps to protect us against social influences that can sometimes tempt us to do the wrong thing.
In the end, it is best to:
Trust our parents and listen to them, even if we feel sometimes that they make mistakes or don’t understand us. They care about us more than anyone, and they are concerned about our future happiness.
Be careful about the kinds of friends we choose. We need to be sure that they won't push us to do something we know is not right.
Questions for reflection
1. In the story, why did Joey do something he did not feel good about?
2. Why do you think Dennis and his friends wanted Joey to do this?
3. What kind of a person was William?
4. Do you know people like Joey, William, and Dennis in your school or neighborhood?
5. Have you ever been in a situation like Joey?
6. If you were Joey, what would you have done?
7. Why are teenagers so strongly influenced by their peers?
8. Who do you listen to and follow more: your parents or your friends?
9. Have your friends ever asked you to do something you knew was not right? What did you do and why?
10. How confident and sure of yourself do you feel?
Exercise: “A different ending”
Imagine you are Joey. Against your better judgment, you went along with your classmates’ desire and made friends with William in order to get the answers to the math homework. Now you feel very bad about it, because you really like William. You like him more than you like the other three, whom you know are just using you. At the same time, you are afraid of being teased by them, and perhaps some others in the school, if you openly side with William and refuse to continue to cooperate. What do you do?
Reflection exercise: “Peer influence and me”
The text states that teenagers may give in to peer pressure for the following reasons:
A difficult relationship with their parents;
The stronger influence of friends and other peers; and
Lack of confidence due to rapid changes taking place in their bodies, minds, and emotions.
Measure the situation in your own life against these three reasons. Do you feel yourself very likely to give in to peer pressure, somewhat likely, or not so likely?
Joey's Dare
Table of Contents
Joey was "the new kid" at school. His family had just moved to the neighborhood. Joey was a bit overweight, kind of awkward in his movements, and very self-conscious. He so much wanted to make friends in his new environment and was trying his best to please the other boys in his class. They were now using his desire to be accepted to make him go after William.
William was skinny, pale, and shy, but he got excellent grades. He was always by himself during recess and lunch period. While the other children played games together, he was usually off in a corner reading a book.
Joey’s assignment was to pretend to make friends with William, win his trust, and get him to supply the other boys with the answers to the math homework each week. As a newcomer, Joey had a chance of fooling William into doing what the boys wanted.
Joey didn’t feel good about it, but he wanted to belong to the group. If this is what it took to be accepted, he was ready to do it.
He made his way slowly over to where William was sitting. Stopping a few feet away, Joey said, “Do you mind if I sit down here?”
William looked up from his sandwich with a suspicious look. No one spoke to him unless they were up to something mean. His guard was immediately up, but this was a new boy, after all. Maybe he wasn't mean.
“Go ahead,” he muttered, and went back to eating.
“My name’s Joey,” Joey said, sitting down and holding out his hand.
William shook it. “My name is William.”
“This morning that was really cool the way you figured out that math equation in class. I could never do that.”
Out of the corner of his eye, Joey could see Dennis and the other two boys standing by the school entrance, giggling.
William looked happy. “Somehow math comes easy to me. And I like it.”
“Really? Do you think you could help me with this problem? I just can’t seem to get it…"
Over the next few weeks, William helped Joey with his homework every day. He was happy to help this new kid in school and finally to have a friend. Joey would then let Dennis and the two boys copy the answers off his homework paper. They all got As, and the teacher praised their improvement.
Joey’s uneasiness never went away. In fact, it grew, as he came actually to like William and feel guilty about using him so. He had to be careful about spending too much time with William, too, or the other boys would start teasing him, or worse, for being William's friend.
~ ~ ~
Have you ever been in a situation where you did something you knew you shouldn’t, but you did it anyway? There are times when we may do such things when we're alone and no one can see us doing it—for example, taking cookies from the cookie jar when no one is looking, or, more seriously, taking an electronic device someone left lying around. We can also end up doing the wrong thing when we are with other people due to something called “peer pressure”.
Peer pressure is what we see at work in the story above. At the urging of some classmates, new student Joey goes against his own better nature in using another student. He would never think to do such a thing on his own, but he does it in response to the social pressure he receives from those he wants to be friends with.
Adolescents are especially influenced by their peers, both for good and bad. This is due to several reasons. First, as teenagers, we are seeking more independence from our parents, as we have spoken about already. We may not listen to or follow their directions or advice as much as we did when we were younger. We want to explore and learn things for ourselves. This is the natural process of growing up, but it also makes us more open to other influences, especially from our peers, who are people the same age as we are.
As we get older, these peer relationships grow in importance to us in comparison to those with our parents. We might find ourselves listening to, respecting, and following the opinions of our friends and classmates more than those of our parents. This can get us into trouble if the character and values of these friends and classmates are not good.
Another reason we can be so strongly influenced by our peers is our own insecurity about who we are, what we want, and where we are going. As we have said, adolescence is a confusing time due to the rapid changes taking place in our bodies, minds, and emotions. It’s easy to start feeling you don’t know what’s right and what’s wrong anymore. You start hearing things from your friends that your parents never talked to you about, or things that may be different from something your parents said. Who do you believe? What should you do?
As teenagers, things can get quite intense because our whole social life can feel at stake. If you don’t go along with your friends, you may soon find yourself alone, even being teased or made fun of. If you go along with your friends, you may be betraying the values your parents taught you and which feel part of who you are. Teens often feel torn between the demands of their parents and the society around them.
Part of growing up is learning to understand the conflicting influences and come down on the right side. Those who have a good relationship with their parents and are more confident of themselves are less likely to be influenced in unhealthy ways by their peers than those who don’t have good relationships with their parents and who are less sure of themselves. In fact, these two usually go together: good relationships with parents— meaning we feel their love and trust their judgment—and a greater feeling of confidence and self-worth. This helps to protect us against social influences that can sometimes tempt us to do the wrong thing.
In the end, it is best to:
Questions for reflection
1. In the story, why did Joey do something he did not feel good about?
2. Why do you think Dennis and his friends wanted Joey to do this?
3. What kind of a person was William?
4. Do you know people like Joey, William, and Dennis in your school or neighborhood?
5. Have you ever been in a situation like Joey?
6. If you were Joey, what would you have done?
7. Why are teenagers so strongly influenced by their peers?
8. Who do you listen to and follow more: your parents or your friends?
9. Have your friends ever asked you to do something you knew was not right? What did you do and why?
10. How confident and sure of yourself do you feel?
Exercise: “A different ending”
Imagine you are Joey. Against your better judgment, you went along with your classmates’ desire and made friends with William in order to get the answers to the math homework. Now you feel very bad about it, because you really like William. You like him more than you like the other three, whom you know are just using you. At the same time, you are afraid of being teased by them, and perhaps some others in the school, if you openly side with William and refuse to continue to cooperate. What do you do?
Reflection exercise: “Peer influence and me”
The text states that teenagers may give in to peer pressure for the following reasons:
- A difficult relationship with their parents;
- The stronger influence of friends and other peers; and
- Lack of confidence due to rapid changes taking place in their bodies, minds, and emotions.
Measure the situation in your own life against these three reasons. Do you feel yourself very likely to give in to peer pressure, somewhat likely, or not so likely?